Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Commercials I currently hate

In no particular order:

  1. That one where the kid sprays the mom with orange pop (yes I said pop, deal with it!) and then she laughs it off and sprays him with water.
    • Never gonna happen. No way. What was the stupid kid thinking? Duh bottles of soda explode after you shake them. He knew what he was doing the whole time. That li'l bastard shouldn't be encouraged. His mom is raising a serial killer.

  2. The newest continuation of the Coors Lite (spelled that way for legal reasons) ads where some idiots are "asking" an NFL coach about something idiotic.
    • C'mon Coors spend at least some of that money into decent editing. They are sooooo unbelievably fake. The coaches' reactions to the questions are way off and forced. Also, no one cares about your stupid blue mountains telling you the beer is cold enough not to taste offensive anymore.

  3. John "Cougar" Mellencamp-warbling-about-America truck ads.
    • Chevy has trouble letting ad campaigns go. You may well remember the "Like A Rock" ad campaign that lasted for four hundred years where some Bruce Springsting-esque rocker let us know that Chevy's were "Like a Rock". It generally showed some hefty men doing hefty men things like dropping hay or pulling oil rigs across the ocean with a Chevy truck. It incorporated soft focus and brown color palates. Well after people started realizing that rocks aren't very good at moving, Chevy decided to remind us that driving pickup trucks is what keeps the King of England out of our faces and that Jesus himself enjoys hauling large cement pipes. These ads are sooooo glurgy and over the top they make we wanna puke.

  4. "Saving Grace" is coming to TNT!
    • Those that know me, understand that I enjoy watching Law and Order in binge fashion. TNT helps me accomplish that goal. This summer I was informed about 30 million times that "Academy Award Winning" Holly Hunter was going to star in "Saving Grace" a show about some lady who hits people with her car and prays to God for help so he sends a sloppy looking southern guy (of course!) to help her out. I imagine Holly and her angel pal get into all sorts of hijinks and that the show will feature some nameless religious themes and the writers will fell proud about making a show with with spiritual side.

  5. I hate all cellphone ads, especially the following:
    • Verizon
      • I hate that guy with the stupid glasses. I'd love to smack that grin off of his hipster face.
    • AllTel
      • These ads are so lame. They give us some "dude" we're supposed to find cool with his renegade "Big Boy" hair, Chad, I think. He mugs for the camera while three dweebs bumble about trying to best him. It has nothing to do with cell phones. I figure since no one actually uses AllTel, they feel the need to to try to smarm us into submission. The ending is particularly bad when they show their floating disembodied heads stating at us and the guy who looks like Kumar boogles his eyes at you.
I am sure more will come later, but this suffices for now.

Now playing: Final Fantasy VII - Aeris (Orchestrated)
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, September 8, 2007


I have a kitchen full of ingredients. I have grains and flours of all sorts and kinds. My refrigerator is filled with condiments, beer, cider, and vegetables. I have frozen veggies in the freezer. I have all of this, yet there is nothing to make. It's because I am lazy. I can make something, I know how to and have the skillz to do so, but I can't be asked right now.

Now playing: Holst - Introduction and Variations on a Theme by Rossini
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, September 6, 2007


This cold / allergies / flu that I am currently feeling sucks. It's in the that dreaded "I feel good enough to do work, but I am drowning in mucus" phase. I so badly want to just blow the hell out of my nose, but every time I think about it I realize my office mates are probably pissed off at me enough with my constant sniffling. Go in the hall you say? I'm lazy ass hell I say. And what's the point of being sick if you can't whine about it.

Now enough of that nonsense, in more important news I want to talk to you all about popcorn lung. Guess what? If you eat a shit ton of microwave popcorn, or rather smell it, (ones with the artificial flavorant dicetyl) you may get the dreaded popcorn lung. Now of course the media and crazy people are telling you that eating popcorn will give you the POPCORN LUNG, but really as long as you don't sit there inhaling popcorn fumes all day you'll be all right. I just like saying popcorn lung, it goes nicely with cauliflower ear, feet corns, and the soon to be popular gravy nose.
Now playing: Stevie Wonder - Boogie On Reggae Woman
via FoxyTunes